Learning to be a mom in Peru

Kyliana always draws attention, including the regular unsolicited advice that I am learning to handle with patience and grace, which isn’t always easy. Nelton figures the rate at which it comes my way is directly related to the fact that because I (a “gringa”) don’t have a nanny, I must not know what I’m doing. In their minds, “all white people have nannies.” My differences in methodology translate to ignorance on my part.
The trip to the jungle includes about 4 nights and 5 days of travel roundtrip on the public launcha. Because hammocks are crammed side-by-side as tight as hay bales in a barn at harvest time, there is no such thing as personal space or privacy.
On the trip into the jungle, one woman must have adopted me as her personal project. She came by several times a day to tell me what I was doing wrong with my baby. Generally is was not wrapping Ky warmly enough, so she would grab whatever blankets were in my hammock and start bundling her up. On one occasion I tried to protest, telling her that my child sweats profusely in the heat because she has “Northern blood.” I really thought that would throw her off, but no, she quickly informed me that that’s what I want, it’s good for newborns to sweat because they were always warm in the womb and they need to be as warm as possible on the outside.
On the trip home, when I saw my new “mentor in motherhood” approaching my hammock, I grabbed a receiving blanket and stuck it over her to avoid that conversation, it didn’t work. Her reprimand was that my baby was too hot and I shouldn’t have any blankets on her, which I would much rather hear.
I’m sure Kyliana’s arm is evidence that gringas don’t know what they doing, which demands much more patience in dealing with comments. Conversations generally go like this, “Her arm is squished!”
“No, it’s broken, that’s how it needs to be.”
Assuming I broke her arm, the next comment is, “You can’t yank on baby’s arms or lift them up by their arms, they are too fragile.”
The most insulting one was when one lady shock back at me in a tone iced with judgement, “How could you permit that to happen!?” As if I handed my baby over to someone and stood-by in silence as I watched them bust her arm in two.
Patience wasn’t so easy to encounter at that time, but I calmly and almost flippantly replied that I didn’t permit it to happen, there are things that happen in life that happen that we have no control over. I explained that it happened while she was being born and being in the position I was, I couldn’t exactly sit up and say “STOP!” More than that, we didn’t even know it until later.
When I tell them that it happened when she was born, it usually silences the comments. However, one girl, around the age of seventeen, quickly replied, “that’s impossible.”
I was shocked, and continued her that that’s what the doctor’s said (the “doctor” word is usually effective).
“No, that’s impossible,” she stated again.
Annoyed, I continued, “So you’re telling me you know more than 3 doctors?”
“No. But I just know that’s not possible.”
Finally, deciding to give up the battle, I asked her why.
She explained that the nurses check all babies over when they are born, and if they didn’t find it there, then it couldn’t have happened at birth."

A lot of advice rolls our way and I have no frame of reference on how to even reply, so I just humor them and use it as a way to learn more about the culture.
 Two ladies told Nelton that we can’t comb Ky’s hair. When he asked why, they both said because she won’t learn how to talk quickly, it will slow her speech development down.
Another one was that we can’t give her a pacifier because it will give her gas, or another reason is because it will hurt her throat.

One question we get almost every time someone new encounters her is, “is it a boy or a girl?” Even though she’s decked out in pink and has bows in her hair. “It’s a girl.” OH!, “why doesn’t she have her ears pierced?” Or “When are you going to pierce her ears?”

Parenthood is a learning experience for everyone, but doing it for the first time in a new culture... well, lets just say I’m learning more than I ever imagined I would. Patience with the public being at the forefront. After two months I’ve relaxed so much and have learn to not let the opinions of everyone effect how we raise our daughter. It’s been great though, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Hope you get a kick out of those brief stories.